How to return to the desire that you enjoyed at the beginning of the relationship after many years of family life together? Many couples ask this question. After all, after several years of family life, sex is becoming increasingly boring. What to do in this situation? Below we will talk about this.
What Causes a Worsening of One’s Sexual Life?
When you first fell in love with each other, in your bodies there were chemical changes that caused attraction. In that period of the relationship, only the thought of the beloved’s body was perceived as a prelude to sex. But when the original passion fades, and this inevitably happens, some couples feel betrayed by their bodies. One or both partners, not feeling immediate arousal, are less likely to initiate sex and gradually stop doing it.
The problem is influenced by other factors. When you first were together, it seemed that the partner did everything right. With the passage of time, this illusion disappears. There are a slight irritation and accumulation of grievances. Over the years, the couple inevitably hurts each other. Anger and resentment suppress sexual attraction, especially in women. Hormonal changes and lack of sleep after childbearing aggravate the situation.
What Should You Do?
How to keep an active, sex life in the 5th or 30th year of a relationship? The most important thing is to get rid of the thought that sex should be “perfect.” Forget sex scenes from movies and think skeptically about articles about G-spot, multiple orgasms, etc. Remember these practical tips:
1. Make sexual “dating” with a partner periodically. You must constantly reassess your touches to each other. If certain actions remained effective for 15 years, this does not mean that it will be forever. Do not be afraid to offend the partner’s feelings by telling about your desires.
2. Do not be so focused on the outcome. If you tried to get an orgasm with every sexual act, you would never have had it. Experts believe that in sexual pleasures, women are too prone to expect to experience it. Do not worry. Let go of your thoughts and enjoy the moment. If an orgasm happens, it’s excellent. If not, rejoice that you spent your time well.
3. Have sex as often as possible. Perhaps this statement seems like pressure on you, but it’s not. Combine your efforts and try to have sex (or spend some time naked) at least a couple of times a week. Sex leads to a new sex, because you feel more attractive. And vice versa, the longer you do not have sex, the more habitual it is for you to live without it.
Do You Need a Specialist’s Consultation?
If you think that erotic movies and rest from children will not help you, other factors may be the base of your weakening libido. Get to the root of the problem. Here is a list of things that you need to do.
1. Exclude medical causes. Many diseases, including diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, etc., can adversely affect the blood flow in the genital area. Due to this, a man may experience a deterioration in erectile function. As for women, in the case of the birth of a child, female libido can deteriorate significantly for some time. Some women need a year or two to get used to the changing level of hormones associated with sexual arousal (especially when breastfeeding).
2. Talk to your doctor about the medications you are taking. If you are taking antidepressants, ask your doctor about the adverse effects that affect sex. Many remedies for depression suppress sexual attraction. Perhaps, the doctor will pick up for you another medicine that does not have a negative effect on erectile function.
3. Understand the emotional problems. Anger and resentment against a partner can seriously damage your sexual relationships. In this case, you should attend a family therapy session. The important point: if you have unsolved problems, you need to work on them together. Individual therapy is good, but you also need to attend joint sessions.
4. Think about sex therapy. If you are satisfied with everything in the relationship, except for sex, you need to turn to a certified sexologist. A family counselor or a psychotherapist can talk about your intimate life, but the sexologist specializes in finding emotional causes that underlie sexual problems. Some sexologists are also family psychotherapists.
Do You Need Special Drugs?
In some cases, you may need to take medication to improve erectile function. However, they can only be used according to the prescription of the doctor, since they can cause a lot of adverse effects. For example, the most typical Cialis side effects include: headache, spinal pain, dizziness, chest pain, and others.